my um....writer's challenge thingy

here's my story! It's not a forum screen play but I think it's pretty good. I had some help writing it though

Eden opened a door and walks into a bar. He heads for the barman as pirates nearby glare at him.
Eden didn't care about them looking at him so he continued to walk until he reached the bar. The barman asked'' what can I get you young man?” ''I would like some Milk if you have any'' Eden replies.
While waiting he saw a pieces of grass on the bar and picked it up and threw it away and gets his milk

Meanwhile, towards the back of the bar, a young girl with black cat ears was sitting off in the corner by herself. Her pure sapphire blue hair reached her shoulders and her hazel eyes scanned the room. She heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm freaking' bored out of my mind!"
Puma crossed her arms in frustration and let out another huff. She found something to stare at though

Silver Foot J crashed through the bar door! "Rumrumrumrumrumrumrumrumrumrum!" He screamed. "Bartender! Give me a huge glass of rum! Oh hi captain" Jay grinned at Eden with a huge idiotic smile on his face. "Nice day isn't it?"
'' You shouldn't drink at your age. It’s a bit stupid and you kill your brain cells'' Eden replies to Jay.
He turned away and stared at the Neko girl in the corner with a blank look on his face.
Her ears were most interesting to him. He ignored everything around him and focused on those ears. “Weird” he thought

Bikki, better known as Puma, felt like she was being watched, so her ears twitched in the most spasmatic way possible. But she didn't bother to see who was watching her. She kept staring across the bar at the guys playing cards. Am I really the only girl here? She thought to herself. Her arms were still crossed because of her frustration and annoyance
Puma decided to go over to the card players. She uncrossed her arms with the attitude of a teenager and walked over to the opposite side of the bar. It was like she wasn't able to walk with out strutting like some kind of model. In the back of her mind, she became cross with her stupid ways.
"Hey, can I join?" She asked with a tomboyish playful grin on her face when she asked the gambling men. They all raised a brow at her, as she leaned on the table, basically bending over.
"Sure," One said. Some groaned at the idea, and others smiled and prepared themselves to play. Puma sat down and then...had this innocent look on her face.
"Um...what are you guys playing? I only know one game..." All the men nearby fell over anime-style.

J finished his 6th glass of rum and looked at his captain. "Whatcha looking at captain?" J asked while he wiped off the foam on his mouth. "A girl huh? She looks sexy! Go say hi to her! Don't be shy!" J smiled at Eden again with the same stupid grin on his face. He watched her sit down on one of
"Hey look captain! She's playing cards! Weren’t you really good at Poker! Go show off your skills!" J said as he patted Eden on the back

Eden has vanished from his chair and appeared at the table where they were playing cards.
''I will join in this game''He says politely, Eden still stared at the Girls Ears and one eye twitched.
He thought to himself ''I use my speed to check there cards, hehe’’, Eden had an ultimate speed, not many people have seen it though. Only his first mate Jay has seen his true speed alone

The so called demon Pierre woke up and yawned; Heeeãy, who are you, rum drinking bwoy?
Maaan, I am soo tired and bwoys should not be drinking that stuff.
What is up anyway bwoy?
J looked at Pierre. He smiled and said, "Haha! I like you! You’re weird."
Pierre replied: Yeah, tell me something I do not know you little drunk bwoy. And he laughed really loud - Moahahahaha~ “chahahaha” J laughed along with Pierre.
Is it OK fore me to join you drinking bwoy? Or shall we join the card games?
"I don't know how to play cards," J said as he and went back to drinking. "Sure you can join me! The more the merrier!"

Eden Shuffled the cards so the other pirates couldn’t cheat and gave out 2 cards each, put 2 down on the table and put the deck down.
He peeped at his card and smiled a tiny bit. He glanced towards Puma.
Puma stared at her hand. She frowned. I'm gonna lose! I don't even know what the hell we're playing!
She looked up from her hand to the people around her. She still had the innocent look on her face. She really didn't know what was going on now. Why didn't I just stay in the corner... She sighed and waited to see what would happen next in the card game.

J: “what the…he fell asleep”

Eden saw everyone’s hand and he knew he could win so he put some money in and waited for the other players to do the same. He sat in silence and took a drink from his milk. The other pirates put some of their money in and then they looked at Puma. Puma sighed sadly, and put in what little money she had.
The other two folded because Eden raised the money a bit more.
He looked up and smiled at Puma '' you gonna stay in?'' he asked with a big great grin on his face

J looked at his pocket watch. "Captain!" He yelled as he got up from his chair, "It’s almost time."

'' OH shit, Got to go'' he shouted. When he got up some guy grabbed him. ‘‘What are you doing?!?!'' he asks in fury, ''I’m gonna get me your bounty'' the pirate chuckled. Eden grabbed the pirate’s arm and threw him into the bar wall. “Who’s next?!?!” he shouted. "Why is it whenever we go into a bar we get into a fight." said J as the pirates surrounded him. He clenched his fists and got ready to fight.
Puma put down her cards, and sneaked to the exit as soon as possible. She didn't want to get into a bar fight, she decided to just watch from a safe distance. Bar fights were freakin' cool though!

J easily subdued the pirates around him. "Pirates these days, sheesh." He sat down as he waited for his captain to finish his fight. "He better hurry up. We’re going to be late".
Eden crossed his arms and closed his eyes,'' J you better get out of here. Omega....''
"Uh-oh" Hey you! Let’s get out of here! J grabbed Pierre by his shirt and ran out of the bar as fast as he could. The imbecile neko was almost knocked unconscious when J ran past her in a flurry, holding onto some guy by his shirt. This indicated this was more than just some bar fight, so she followed close behind them.
..Rose''. Eden said as he looked right up at the roof. A Blue Wave from his body destroyed the bar in an instant.
J jumped out of the way of the blast. "WOAH! You didn't have to destroy the bar! Good thing I drank all the rum it had" J looked at the mess. "I might as well fix it now" he said with a smile. J clapped his hands together. "One is all, and all is one" he said with deep concentration. J slammed his hands on the ground. The bar mended itself together in seconds. "There! It’s fixed. Let’s get out of here before some other maniacs come here to capture our bounty."

"Captain...What are you doing on the ground...?" Dr. Ake sighed.
Oh, mornin´ mate. I took a nap. Haha, what happened here ay? “I have no idea…we should probably start of towards the port before anybody recognizes us” Dr. Ake and Pierre started walking down the road. Dr. Ake stopped. “Captain?” He asked, “Where is the port anyway?” “I thought you knew”
They hit a dead end. Dr. Ake looked at nearby boxes, and thought them suitable. He jumped up on to the boxes, and jumped onto the lower roof before him. He then leaped onto the rooftop, and dashed along the labyrinth of the house tops. After a minute or two, he eventually found the harbors, and saw the port. “Found it captain.” He turned and saw the sleeping Pierre. “HEY! WAKE UP!”

Soon Eden and J ended up at the port and J went to rent a boat. “150 Berri?!?! ARE YOU INSANE?!?!?” J shouted at the boat salesmen. “Look kid, you gonna rent a boat or not?” The salesman said. J looked at the little money he and Eden had. “If only Eden didn’t destroy most of our money at the bar,” He thought, “Perhaps I could create our own boat, nah, last time I did that it sunk. I always make things have more mass than usuall.” “150 Berri?!?!? For a chunk o’ crappy wood?!?!” J looked at the person next to him. It was Pierre and Dr. Ake. “Oh, hey man!” J said to Pierre, “money trouble?” “Yeah bwoy, you having trouble too? Ya wanna pool our money, huh?” “Sure!” J shouted! Pierre and Jay split the bill and got the boat. “This is me first mate Dr. Ake” Introduced Pierre. “Hey! Great to meecha!” J cheered as he shook Dr. Ake’s hand forcefully. “Erm…Its great to meet you too” Dr. Ake responded with a sweat drop going down his head. “Hey captain!” J smiled as he ran up to Eden, “I go the boat!” “Great job J! Huh? Who are those guys?” Eden said as he pointed at Pierre and Dr. Ake. “Oh! This is Pierre and his first mate Dr. Ake” J replied, “They split the bill for the boat with us.” “Good to meet you, I’m Eden the black coated” Eden told Dr. Ake and Pierre. The 4 of them were getting into the boat when J noticed Bikki watching them from behind a wall. “Hey captain, isn’t she that girl you were playing cards with?” J pointed to Bikki as she ducked behind the wall. “Yep it is J. HEY!” Eden shouted, “You wanna join our crew and go on an adventure with us?” “Wha-!?!? Captain?” J looked in shock, “you must really like her. It’s going to be a daaaate.” J shouted loud enough for Puma to hear. “J! Shut up!” Eden shouted as he whacked J on the head with a mallet. “Erm...sure I’ll join.” Puma answered as she stepted out from behind the wall, over J’s Body and into the boat. “Gives me something to do” She thought. “Alright!” Eden Shouted as he tossed J’s body into the boat, “set sail!”

To be continued…..

aaaaaannnndddd a sample of what's to come!

The air was filled with the scent of the ocean breeze. Captain Eden the Black Coat stood near the mass of his boat, “friendship.” He often enjoyed looking straight into the horizon. It seemed to calm his mind and helped him to think. A thick strip of his blond hair covered the entire right side of his face. His charcoal black coat flapped in the wind like the sails behind him. He and his small young pirate crew had been sailing the ocean for about a week and a half. They had set out to find the map to the legendary treasure, the all-mind. The treasure had been said to grant unimaginable powers and turn dreams and wishes into reality. Only one person was said to achieve it….Captain Blud Steighnhatchet. He used the all-mind to create smaller and less powerful minds. To give everyone a chance to achieve their dreams. So far, the only lead his crew had was that the map was rumored to be on the uninhabited island of “rangers hunt.” “Captain!” Eden turned around, “Captain! Crystal says she spies the island in the distance!” It was his first mate and sniper, Silver foot J. Of course his friends didn’t call him by this name. They called him Jay, just like they called him Eden. Jay’s rebellious and thick hair sprang happily with him as he made his way to Eden. Jay was a great first mate. He was on very good terms with all of the crew members and he was very loyal to Eden. Eden actually believed that if he told Jay to jump off a cliff, Jay would do it. “Clank, clop, Clank, clop,” went his legs as his large shoe and right prosthetic metal leg hit the deck. Jay’s prosthetic leg had been made by a special type of metal called, “root metal” which allowed him to use it just like a regular leg without any handicap whatsoever. It even was equipped with pain sensors. “Thanks Jay” Eden smiled as he walked past him and headed to the lookout’s post. Just like Jay was special and unique, Eden was too. “Omega….Boost!” A stream of liquid-like light blue emitted from the soles of his shoes. Long ago, Eden had found omega crystals. These crystals allowed him to create this blue matter which could become as hard as steel so as soft as water. Eden soared up to the lookout’s post. He landed right behind his lookout, Crystal Gardens. “Whoa! You scared me!” Crystal said, “Don’t you even go up the normal way?” Crystal was Jay’s mechanic. Jay and Crystal had grown up together when they were both orphans. She was the one who invented and developed the amazing metal that Jay’s leg was made out of. She was like a wise old woman that had been turned into a 13 year old. Sometimes Eden wondered why she had joined his crew in the first place. “Let me see the island” Eden said. Crystal handed him her telescope and pointed, “It’s a few miles off in that general direction.” Eden looked into the telescope and saw spotted the island. It was a small island, filled with lush plant life. “This might not be as hard as I thought it was” Eden thought. “See ya Crystal…Omega….Cloud!” Eden jumped out of the lookout’s post and hovered to the ground. “Jay!” Eden called to his first mate. “Yes Captain!” Jay answered as he ran up to Eden. “Set a course that way” Eden said. “Yes sir Captain!” Jay said. Eden went into the hold to talk to his cook, Eiri. A pleasant aroma had filled the room. Eden headed into the kitchen. He spied Eiri in the corner of the kitchen cooking up a storm. “Hey Eiri” Eden said, “smells great, what are you making?” Eiri turned his head while chopping some onions. “Curry, fired fish seasoned with a bit of my special sauce, and bread.” “Bread?” Eden raised a brow. It wasn’t normally like Eiri would make something so bland and common. “I’m making it in the rice cooker.” Eiri said with a smile, “I got the idea from reading a book so I decided to experiment.” “Is that even possible?” Eden wondered. “Well, anyways” Eden said, “We’re approaching our destination so I was wondering if you could wrap us some lunch to take with us when we go exploring.” “Sure,” Eiri replied, “I’ll give the food to Jay when I’m done.” Eden smiled at Eiri and walked out of the kitchen. Eden didn’t know much about Eiri. They had met him on an island before and everyone on his crew loved his cooking so they asked him to stay. They didn’t know where he came from, but he seemed like a nice guy. The only thing they knew about Eiri was that he is a great cook and he always wore a medal charm around his neck. Eden went up on deck. Soon it would be time to anchor.

To be continued…..

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why am I here?

well....someone had to be me, so it it might as well be me than someone else.

At first i wondered what game they were gonna play, lol... strip poker coulda been fun

no one died

lol

It was actually very good

well done

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I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
fi yuo cna raed tihs, palce it in yuor siantugre.
Olny 55% of plepoe can.

lol, can you read that? xD

I thinking of killing off J.

It could add some trauma to the story so it's not so predictable

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why am I here?

well....someone had to be me, so it it might as well be me than someone else.

It's quite good (from what I've read), I wanna read the next bit, when will you post it?

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"I'm Gay And I Wear A Pink TuTu"