The new prince of persia

Character descrpitions first:
Prince: Agile, never shuts up, shy
Farah: Quick, keeps falling over, good acuracy
Kaileena: Blonde, smart, arragont
Vizzer: slow, old, grumpy
Dahaka: strong, clumsy, logical

Chapter 1: The end of the road
Scene 1 Characters : Prince, Farah, Vizzer
Vizzer's tent (present)
F: what should I do now?
V: Go left!
P: Go right!(the battery on Farah's DS runs out)
F: I was just about to save it ( she frowns)
V: Lousy new fangled....
F: What did you say?!
V: Nothing...
F: (she grabs his walking stick and hits him around the head with it) Take that you bastard!
V: ow! Now I have a headache (he falls forward into Farah's breasts)
F: Ew! ( she pulls V's head out , asleep and snoring) Gross! I just had them enlarged... Thats it now he's gonna pay!!
P: I think it's a bit hard at the minuite (F turns towards him) Not like that!! I meant just steal his wallet. (F pulls out a fluffy pink wallet and steals all the money and credit cards, she then replaces it back into V's pocket) How much has he got?
F: Three pounds fifity
P: it's the wrong currency
F: Lets go
P:what about?
F: just leave him (whispers) Ugly bastard. ( she leaves with P.)
V (Stirs slightly) Mmmm... Farah....

Scene 2: Characters: Kaileena, Shadee, crow master
throne room (past)
K: Ugh, so bored
S: maybe if we... played Monopoly?
K: God no, he wins all the time (she points at C)
C: I can't help i if I'm the best at Monopoly
S: you win at: Monopoly, Cluedo, Twister, Sudoko and even bloody uiversity challenge!
C: I'm just lucky ( he gets up to leave)
K: Sit!! ( he sits back down) We will beat him!
S: (pulls out a knife and fork) grilled or boiled?
K: what do you mean? ( she looks quizical)
S: you did say that we would eat him, didn't you?
C: (gulps) er maybe I should go ( he gets up again)
K: SIT DOWN!! (C drops to the floor) great thanks, now I'm hungry, whats for dinner?
S: dunno, crow?
K: nah, skins to tough( C sighs with relief)
C: how about a fish supper served with chopped coriander and lemon slices along with poatoes with melted cheddar cheese and gooseberry crumble with toffe sauce for dessert?
K (stoumach growls) mmm... crumble (she drools on S, who screams in pain upon contact with water and explodes and dies)
C: how sad... ( he leaves quietly)
K: fish... ( she looks around) huh where did Shadee go? and that bird brain I didn't say he could leave!! ( she gets up) Maybe it should be crow for dinner ( she gives chase with S knife and fork).

Scene 3: characters: Farah, Prince, Kaileena, Dahaka
island beach (present)
F: who the hell crashes a boat into a lighthouse?!
P: It was so pretty
F: how was it so pretty?
P: so... bright
F:Bloody hell...( she climbs on his shoulders and reaches a ledge and helps P up) look over there ( she runs into an alcove and touches a diamond and a gate crashes behind her) I spend most of my life with that happening to me.
P: ( grabs a lever and lets F out) There that was easy.
D: (appears) ?snotcerid em evig uoy naC ( Translation: I'm lost )
P: I can't understand you.
D: (punches him) !toidI ( Translation: Then listen! )
P: Ow my jaw ( there is blood pouring from is nose). I mean, Ow my nose (whispers) yes thats better.
F: Run! (she grabs P and runs through the fortress until she reaches a locked door and she looks at the table next to it, on the table there is: a bottle of water, a water sword, a grenade, a knife and a bannana. Panicing F grabs the tabe and runs) AHHH!! ( she runs to a antichamber with two signs, safety and doom. F runs down the corridor marked doom) hurry!!
D: !!akahad eht epacse ton lliw uoy( Translation: you won't escape )
F:(Dives through a water curtain) thank god! ( she sees D leaving. she looks at P who's face is buried in her Breasts) I am seriously gonna deflate if this keeps happening. ( she reaises she is still holding the table leg) ah well ( she takes P's wallet).

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 4
Portal room 1 (present/ past) Characters Prince, Farah, Kaileena, crow master
F: Now what?
P: (wakes up) the monkey has my wallet...
F: What!( she hits him with the one legged end table) How dare you!
P: Maharajah must die (F hits him again) Ok now i'm awake.
F: good I made a discovery.
P:what?( he sits up) wheres my wallet?
F: oh here it is ( she gives it to him) theres no money left i'm afraid, that monster must have er, stole it . ( she walks to the edge to an active portal) quickly!
P:to where?
F: the past of course!( she drags him to it, her breats are now nearly completley flat) Drat! I'll have them enlarged when we go home...
P:It's gonna get harder as we go i'm afraid(F hits him with the table again and they travel into the past.)
in the past
C: ahhhhhh!( He splits into several crows and each one flies away from a drooling, drunken and delirious K)
K: sooo hungry! ( she wipes crow poo out of her hair) Hunters! ( 3 hunters appear)
kill the crows !
H1: yes ma'm
H2: yes ma'm
H3: ma'm yes, i mean yes man, no i mean yes ma'm (whispers) yes got it at last!
( the 3 hunters throw spears at the crows when F and P enter)
P: wow this is a big place
F: ew, i have bird crap in my hair (she gels her hair up with it making her look like a porcupine with a bad hairdoo) thats better.
K: kill them, kill them all!
F: wait!! ( C reforms behind her) this isnt exactly fair!( she swaps weapons around: Kaileena has the table, Farah has the sword, the Prince has 3 spears and the hunters have 1 crossbow between them.) thats better carry on ( K hits C with the table )
K: die!!
C this is gonna be a long scene... so just end it there...

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 5
Fortress entrance (past).Characters: Farah, Prince, Kaileena, crow master
K: Take this! ( she hits F with the table and damages her breast plate)
F: that red breast plate cost me 5 thousand euros! your paying for it!
K: Ok ( she pulls a 5 thousand euro note out of her pocket) there
F: thanks ( she pulls a cord and the dent vanishes) easy money...
C: erm where were we?
K: I remember! ( she smashes the table over F's head. The Table doesn't break) lousy furniture.
P:(he thorws the spears at K, she dies) Ha! ( the hunters turn to dust) wait he has my crossbow!
F die you!( she keeps slashing at K's dead body) DIE!,DIE!,DIE!
C: I think she's dead( he leaves)
F: good ( she picks up her table) lets go
P: fine( he takes his sword)
F: oooh pretty ( she runs off to something in the distance and a door shuts behind her) help!
P:all the luck in the world that girl has ( he is surrounded by enemies)

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 6 (IGNORE THIS SCENE)
Fortress entrance ( past) characters: Prince, Shadee, head raider, raiders 1-3
P: oh dear this is bad.
HR: Kill him! ( he attacks, waiving a walking stick over his head, before falling over)
P: ( the raiders are moving in very slowly) even a hundred year old grandma isnt this slow.
S: your right ( she jumps of a ledge and catches her black dress on a pole) Oh! you perverts!( the raiders are now focusing on S, while P forces the door open)
P: (the door opens) at last ( he is in a courtyard) Oh where am I now.
S: you shall never leave our shores alive! ( she is slowly coming down a ladder with a broken leg) I have never been so slow! ( she falls off as a blade pole comes down) Oh crap! ( she vanishes).
P: wow that was fun now i must find Farah ( he exits as a dead Kaileena explodes into sand.)

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Last edited by god on Tue Nov 27, 2007, 2:06 pm; edited 1 time in total

Scene 6
Fortress entrance ( past) characters: Prince, Shadee, head raider, raiders 1-3
P: oh dear this is bad.
HR: Kill him! ( he attacks, waiving a walking stick over his head, before falling over)
P: ( the raiders are moving in very slowly) even a hundred year old grandma isnt this slow.
S: your right ( she jumps of a ledge and catches her black dress on a pole) Oh! you perverts!( the raiders are now focusing on S, while P forces the door open)
P: (the door opens) at last ( he is in a courtyard) Oh where am I now.
S: you shall never leave our shores alive! ( she is slowly coming down a ladder with a broken leg) I have never been so slow! ( she falls off as a blade pole comes down) Oh crap! ( she vanishes).
P: wow that was fun now i must find Farah ( he exits as a dead Kaileena explodes into sand.)
end of chapter 1

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Chapter 2 : Mad futuristic things on the island

Scene 1 hourglass chamber( past) Characters: Farah, Shadee, Crow master

F: (enters as a massive door shuts behind her) Not again ( she brandishes her table)
C: Wait! (he picks a banana off a bon bon tree) whats that doing here?
F: You shut up! (Her table glows)haaa! (she swigs it at S,breaking her other leg)
S: Stupid girl! Now I need a wheelchair (she leaves, dragging herslf along and getting her high heels caught in the door)Drat!
C:have fun! (he peels the banana and starts to eat it)
F

k (she runs after her)
C: (through mouthful of banana) Have fun at the party...What a nice kid, I hope she dies, she really deserves it... (swallows and chokes on the banana) help I need surgery!
S: (returns in a wheelchair, with a rusty scalpel) I still want crow!
C: Oh , no not you!( he leaves. S chases him with the scalpel)

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

scene 2: Garden courtyard (past) Characters: Farah, Prince, Dahaka, Yvonne Hartman.

P: I wonder where Farah is? Farah! where are you? ( he falls of a ledge and ontop of F) oh there you are
F: get off!! ( she shoves him off)
P: what a lovely way of meeting you here Farah
F: Don't you use the words 'love' and 'Farah' in the same sentence you idiot.
P: aww but yoy know I can't resist you...
F: erm ok ( she goes to kiss him) What is that thing? ( she looks at a pink TARDIS perched on the top the garden tower spire) Oh no!
BD: Hello
F: (jumps) where the bloody hell did you come from?!
P: (jumps) What she said.
BD: I am here to kill you (whispers) and hell is not bloody.
P: this is not good ( the pink TARDIS falls off the spire and lands on top of BD killing her, the doors open and a pink fluffy interior is seen as Yvonne Hartman walks out) who the hell are you?
Y: didn't you read that last explanation? Anyway sorry I forgot to put the hand brake on.
D: (enters) ecnabrutsid a tlef I ( translation: somethings wrong D stares at Y) huh?
Y:who are you???
D: (whispers out of character) I felt someting was wrong, infact I'm not even supposed to be in this scene, the writer threw me in for a sense of anti-climax .
Y( whispers back) ooh that explains it
D: (clears throat) eyB (he leaves)
Y: strange person. (pulls out a tea tray) tea anyone?

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 3 Garden Terrace (past) characters: Farah, Prince, Yvonne Hatman, Kaileena.
Y:... and I was saying (in posh voice) Darling you can't possibly point that thing at me, it's too small. (F is looking sleepy and P has fallen asleep on the table.) Thats when I pulled out by sharp high heels and stabbbed him in his foot.
F: (whispers to P) god she is boring.
P: (mumbles) tell me about it.
Y: I can't possibly tell you anymore about it. I put it in as muh detail as possible. Now are you sre you don't want any cakes? (she waves a plate of potato cakes around.)
F: ooo god if she asks one more time I'm gonna throw her over the edge ( the terrace cracks and the table and plates fall over the edge) Good luck that was.
Y: well, no cakes for us then. Anyone want a cookie? (F throws Y over the edge and down onto the piers) Hellllllp!(she lands on K) Who are you?
K: the empress of time.
Y: yeah and I'm the queen of France.
K: (shakes her hand) Nice to meet you Queen of some far away land.
Y: I'm leader of torchwood and i am taking your island
K: what for?
Y: we could learn time travel from you and your people and it would be a great tragedy if you... (K falls asleep) Wake up!!( she kicks K) If it's alien its ours!
K: you can't take my island! Not without a good reason (she pulls out a crossbow)
Y: (pulls out a pink sonic screwdriver) how about now?
K: (loading crossbow) not good enough, no smoking on this island.
Y: er how much do you want?
K: 5,000,000,000,000/apple/cookie\thyme@hotmail.co.uk/£8.67 Euros
Y: cash or check.
K: fish... (she drools on Y pink notebook.)
Y: hey this cost me 50 euros
P (back on the garden terrace) What are they talking about?
F: dunno, I thought you killed her?
P: I did.( Y and K are still agreeing a price)

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 4 Main hall (past) Characters: Blade dancers 1-3, Crow master, Shadee

S:come back! (she goes very slowly in her wheelchair) God this is even slower (she regenerates and grows a pink wig) this isn't right!( she tries again and grows a bigger nose) oh god...
C: she is looking fabulous (S has grown a third leg) oh dear this is bad ( she is 'hopping' towards him.) very bad.( blade dancers surround him.)
BD1: Kill him!
BD2: Kill him!
BD3: (snores) zzzzz.... daggers (falls over) mmm... whisky
S: (regenerates and grows an elephants trunk) this is so not working (she falls forwards)
C: good this is better (all the BD and S are on the floor trapped under S massive trunk) time for a rest ( he falls asleep)
BD1: Kill the intruder ( she smiles) theres so much pleasure in pain!
BD2: Pain is pleasurable (smiles) surely
BD3 : those were my lines!
C: ok, ok don't call me shirley! ( he wakes up and runs off)
BD1: drat!
BD2: Damn!
BD3: erm.. I can't think of anything.
S: get up and KILL HIM!!
BD3: we can't. we have had too much to drink
BD1: So were gonna have a little sleep now
BD2: so we don't have a hangover for tommorows very important visitor.
S: and what about the intruders?
BD1-3: (snores) tommorow!
S: (climbs in the wheelchair) fine i'll get him myself!! (she zooms off and gets stuck in a pothole) Blasted potholes!

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.

Scene 5: Mechanical tower (past/Present) Characters: Yvonne Hartman, Farah, Dahaka, Kaileena.

Y: so let me get this straight your willing to sell me the island for: twelve silver baubles, eleven watering cans, ten posh necklaces, nine acres of rainforest, eight miles of silk, seven sonic screwdrivers, six pink TARDIS's, five wii consoles, four roasted chickens, three peach trees, two mocking women and a wonky old stool with a crack.
K: yeah, thats about it.
Y: ok! we have a deal (she opens her laptop)
K: i'll take that too.
Y: fine but I get 10 of your finest soilders.
K : fine... (whispers) she doesn't suspect a thing.
F: (enters standing on a giant cog like a escalator) well this is quicker. (she falls off) ow my nose. (she stands up brandishing a bow and arrow) nobody move!
Y: Can I scratch my nose its itching ( she wobbles slightly)
F: I said don't move ( she launches an arrow at Y cutting at her nose)
Y: Ah thats better (blood runs into her mouth and she falls over and one of F's arrows strikes her in the butt) oh yeah right there, thats the spot ( she now has several arrows in her butt)
K: what should I order? ( she is on the Toorchwood online catalog and browsing whilst racking up a huge 11 digit electricity bill for Y)
D: (enters sneaking up behind F making floor tiles shake)
F: Hello
D: (jumps and bashes his head on the ceiling) !wO( he falls off the platform they are on and falls into the mechanical pit) Noooooo!
F: lets go (she grabs unconcious Y and head to the present)

_________________
what do you get if you stick a piece of buttered toast to a cat and drop it off a high building?
wow, an eternity is faster then it used to be.